BY LPC
I can't lie. I'm nervous.
Sure there isn't much that can top hearing the words "you have CANCER". It has been a rough couple of weeks. .....But it can get worse. I could hear the cancer is very extensive and I need to start treatment right away.
I was told since this cancer is so slow growing, it would likely be found in other areas such as the spleen and even bone marrow. That I have probably had this for years. In fact, two years ago, I had an ultrasound and it was noted my spleen was enlarged (did not send off red flags for anyone). But it was enlarged TWO years ago! I would be truly shocked if it wasn't in my spleen. Even so, I don't want to hear about bone marrow involvement, bone involvement or kidney and liver involvement. This would be reason for a poorer prognosis. 7 years vs. 10? 10 years vs. 20? I don't know. I just know the less it has spread, the better of course. And yet, I am preparing myself, and preparing my friends and family that the reality is - 70% to 90% of all cancer of my type is, upon diagnosis, found to be "late stage".
Am I still hopeful? Yes. But it will be hard to hear none-the-less.
This past couple of weeks I have felt fine physically and emotionally. Tomorrow will be the true test. When it becomes even more personal. When I know just what the "damage" is.
I don't want to do this, can someone please just wake me up?
........Deep breath. I can do this. I WILL DO THIS.
Dear God, I ask for only one thing. Strength for me and my family for no matter what comes our way. . ..........and while your at it, grant the same for all those suffering in this world no matter who they are.
I can't lie. I'm nervous.
Sure there isn't much that can top hearing the words "you have CANCER". It has been a rough couple of weeks. .....But it can get worse. I could hear the cancer is very extensive and I need to start treatment right away.
I was told since this cancer is so slow growing, it would likely be found in other areas such as the spleen and even bone marrow. That I have probably had this for years. In fact, two years ago, I had an ultrasound and it was noted my spleen was enlarged (did not send off red flags for anyone). But it was enlarged TWO years ago! I would be truly shocked if it wasn't in my spleen. Even so, I don't want to hear about bone marrow involvement, bone involvement or kidney and liver involvement. This would be reason for a poorer prognosis. 7 years vs. 10? 10 years vs. 20? I don't know. I just know the less it has spread, the better of course. And yet, I am preparing myself, and preparing my friends and family that the reality is - 70% to 90% of all cancer of my type is, upon diagnosis, found to be "late stage".
Am I still hopeful? Yes. But it will be hard to hear none-the-less.
This past couple of weeks I have felt fine physically and emotionally. Tomorrow will be the true test. When it becomes even more personal. When I know just what the "damage" is.
I don't want to do this, can someone please just wake me up?
........Deep breath. I can do this. I WILL DO THIS.
Dear God, I ask for only one thing. Strength for me and my family for no matter what comes our way. . ..........and while your at it, grant the same for all those suffering in this world no matter who they are.
6 comments:
Lori, I know that you know what I feel for you in my heart, yet somehow I do feel the need to repeat: You are a miracle in my life. One I never dreamed of finding, was reluctant to find, and nevertheless, found I have no wish to be without, the third daughter for me. You have proven to be a loving spouse, a kind, gentle, loving guiding force in Ellie;s life, and a person I know for sure I could depend on in any crisis in my life. Whatever may happen, your family will be with you, support you, encourage you, and yes, even donate bone marrow to you. I love you!
Bob will donate his marrow??? Awesome!
;-)
I love you too. Thank you.
needless to say that you are on many prayer list...what ever the outcome will be, you'll have the full suport of your family...will be waiting for a call to hear how the appoitment went....love ya much. mom
You know how much I love you and am constantly thinking of you. I will talk to you tomorrow. You are in my prayers.
I will keep praying for you and your family... for strength, for hope, and for peace. Love you so much!
Amen.
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